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Question: Are there aspects of sexuality that Black women seem to enjoy an advantage? Ashby: I think that the one advantage that Black women have is high body esteem.

We tend to be more comfortable in our bodies, especially Black women who are plus-size. Having a high body esteem helps to enhance one's sexual feelings about herself.

Question: When a Black woman has a problem with sex, where does she go for help and advice? Ashby: Black women tend to go to their friends; it is rare that they go to their doctors with sex issues because they are unaware that there is help out there for these types of problems.

There are professionals, like myself, who specialize in sexually related issues and can help. Some medical doctors are beginning to listen to their patients' sexuality complaints and learn about the area of sexual medicine.

Question: For those who are not comfortable talking to their partners, what advice do you have? Ashby: First and foremost, don't choose to start having these conversations when you're about to have sex.

That is the wrong time. It is important to begin these conversations in a neutral, non-threatening place, especially if you haven't been having orgasms and you have been faking.

Begin by asking your partner what he thinks about your sex life. Are there fantasies he would like to explore? Ashby: Throughout White history, Black women have been portrayed in two paradigms--that of Jezebel and that of "mammy.

Because Black women have generally been looked at through these two lenses, it has been difficult for us to find middle ground.

How can you be a comfortable sexual being when you could be perceived as a slut? This message is also pervasive in American culture.

Little girls are taught that sex is to be saved for marriage without ever hearing any mention of enjoyment. It gets conveyed in a subtle way that pleasure is reserved for your partner and that you are the conveyer of that pleasure.

Thus Black women are often caught between being a "good girl" nonsexual , or a "bad girl" sexual. Another aspect of Black history that is tied to these paradigms is that as slaves Black women were regularly raped and sodomized by their masters, and also sold off from their families.

This traumatic history is still an unconscious remnant in the lives of Black women. Question: Why do some Black women feel bad or "dirty" about initiating sex with their mate?

Ashby: It is an issue of feeling they are not entitled to pleasure and not recognizing themselves as sexual beings with needs of their own.

This also goes back to how gifts are socialized in American society. Some girls are socialized to think that sex is dirty and that only bad things can come of it if you engage in sex.

Boys, on the other hand, are socialized to think that they can have sex with anyone at any time and that it is their right to do so.

Question: Based on your research, how do Black women feel about oral sex and anal sex? Ashby: Black women are more comfortable today than they were a few years ago in giving and receiving oral sex.

I usually hear about male partners having problems giving oral sex. Anal sex is still relatively taboo for Black women. Question: What can mothers do to make sure their daughters are informed about sex?

Ashby: It is imperative that mothers sit down with their daughters and talk about sex and sexuality. Adolescence is a time for experimentation; adolescents question their sex appeal, whether they are gay, straight, or bisexual, whether oral sex is "sex," and how to go about it.

Being open and honest with your teen is key to impacting their behavior. Even though the information is available, children still need and seek guidance from the ones they trust most--their parents.

Ashby: From many conversations with my patients, it seems that Black women are much more comfortable than they were a few years ago about accepting their lesbianism, but it is still a struggle.

My patients state that the African-American community still has difficulty accepting and dealing with the gay and lesbian subpopulation.

Black lesbians are confronted with a triple handicap--being Black, female and a lesbian. This comes with a host of challenges that White lesbians don't have to face.

Question: Many women are concerned about whether sexual desire decreases during menopause. Does it? Ashby: The wonderful thing about being human is that we are all different and some are lucky not to have a decrease in sexual activities.

I have seen some women who are barely affected by the changes brought on by menopause and others whose lives are completely devastated by the hormonal imbalance.

Ashby: Because many are engaging in sexual activity without condoms. Many women I see as patients say that their man won't wear a condom because it "feels" better; or if she insists that he wears one, he accuses her of cheating.

If your man won't wear a condom, there are ways you can protect yourself. First, there is a female condom available; secondly, there are nonoxynol-9 spermicides that can be inserted into the vagina prior to intercourse.

Thirdly, abstinence is always an option until you find that someone who will respect you and your body. The ultimate form of caring and respect is when someone places your feelings and needs above their own.

Question: How do Black women approach masturbation and sex toys? Are there feelings of guilt? Ashby: Masturbation is still somewhat taboo for Black women as it is seen as "dirty.

Question: If there is one message about sexuality that you would like to deliver to African-American women around the country, what would that be?

Ashby: I think the message I would like to deliver to both African-American and African Sisters is that you are much more than disease carriers and baby-makers.

You are sexual beings with needs and desires, and you are entitled to healthy, fulfilling sexual lives, and that there is help for your sexual problems.

Everyone is entitled to a fulfilling sex life. We do it but we don't like to talk about it. Sex , that is. African-American women may be stereotyped as Lil' Kims in music videos, but for the most part, black women can be extremely prudish when it comes to discussing sex.

That's why the results of a landmark sex survey of black women appearing in the October issue of Ebony magazine sure raised a few eyebrows.

For starters, according to the survey of 8, women nationwide and abroad, brothers apparently aren't taking care of their business. When asked "How satisfied are you with your sex life?

Even more telling, while "cheating" is usually seen as a primarily male behavior, the Ebony sex survey found that The question survey asked about the kind of sex that most black women won't even discuss with their best friends, like what is your preferred position for sex and method of penetration.

That black women tend to shy away from openly discussing their sexuality is understandable. Black women were objectified and sexually abused during slavery and the Jim Crow era.

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Researchers discovered that Women in their twenties who had no religious affiliation and higher levels of income and education were the most likely to try anal, the study found.

It was also more common with married women or those who were living with their partners than single women. Researchers found it was equally common among racial and ethnic backgrounds, though.

There were other factors that suggested a woman was more likely to have anal: having had sex with women, having had an unintentional pregnancy, losing her virginity before the age of 16, and being treated for a sexually transmitted infection in the past year.

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